Vann Family Trivia, Installment #1

Vann family trivia:

1. Which "hardened" individual is now a district manager for a pharmaceutical company but had careers as a US Army officer and a Director of Admissions? Bonus: Is that a "Dead Kennedies" or "Sex Pistols/Johnnie Rotten" t-shirt. Perhaps it was the "Punks Not Dead" t-shirt he drew with a box sharpies. (Nice glove, Michael....)

2. Which individual sporting a "bowl" cut now plants churches in the North East? Hint: his shins are well-protected. Bonus: which one of his brothers knocked 2-3 of his teeth out when he missed with the padded part of a boxing glove and uppercut him with the flat, unpadded part of his palm?

3. Which cherub-faced kid could set up the VCR (which is just out of view is this picture) as a 2 year old? Hint: he had more nicknames as a child than he has melanocytes (and the ability to get a tan).

4. Which individual wearing white sweat pants is 6 months away from completing 9 years of medical training? (Bonus question: any hope of white sweat pants ever making a come back?)

5. Which innocent looking 8 year old would later pen a caustic look at her older brother's selfish ways and describe his saxaphone playing as "squeaking notes from a second hand saxaphone?" Bonus: Whose house was she living in at the time? Double bonus: why was it so hard to see that the Starbucks cup she was repeatedly claiming as her own had his birth year on it?

6. Which individual (wearing long-striped socks) once drove a worn-out Isuzu Rodeo painted like the Chic-Filet cow which had a sign on it that said, "Honk if you like chicken." Bonus: How many times as a high school junior did he admire his side-burns in the mirror?

Answers can be submitted to elliottvann@hotmail.com. The winner will receive an autographed copy of Richard Thomas Vann's discertation on Jonathan Maxie, the first president of USC. The runner-up will receive the Dallas Cowboys g-string I received for Christmas. Third place will receive the CD "Fabio after Dark."

Check back next month for the answers.

Just take a leak, would-ya?

My son is looking at me with glazed-over eyes, somewhat bewildered at the days events.

He woke up this morning with a primal scream which is not uncommon, but we knew something was not quite right. Mom took his temperature (but not his dignity thanks to the newly acquired "ear" thermometer which replaced the "rectal" one) and it was high: 103.3 to be exact. We spent the hole day pumping him full of tylenol, but it didn't budge his temperature. I convinced Heather to leave for the apartment and see her childhood friends. I was certain Zachary was just another tylenol dose away from resuming his high-spirited ways. I rechecked his temperature and 104.8 was staring at me. That seemed high, and his grandmother and I subjected him to 5 or 6 more checks. The readings were all over the place, 102.4, 103.4, 105.1... but no normal readings. I called Heather and urged her home. She arrived white-faced and sick-appearing, which was a precursor of her own illness to come.

We drove like mad to the nearest reasonably sized hospital, 30 miles away. We're staying with Heather's parents in Orange, TX, and felt like the 4-bed hospital available locally was probably inadequate. We drove to the next largest city a half an hour away.

I managed to plug my laptop in and borrow the hospital's wireless signal. We watched half a Dallas Cowboys game while we waited, and waited, and waited.

We're now 6 hours into our stay. Our only hope of going home is my son urinating in a little plastic bag that is taped to his boy parts. I'm an adult and couldn't urinate with a plastic bag taped to me...why do you think a little man is any different.

It's hard not interfering with my son's care. He now has no fever. I'm comtemplating signing out AMA (which means, against medical advice). This would probably put us on the "bad parents" list.

We've now managed to have a separate illness each of the last four weeks spread successfully to each family member. Isn't childhood great?

I've just finished listening to the ER attending give a 10 minute discussion on the diabetic foot to a guy who is here with a rotten foot. The patient needs an amputation, but it sounds like he thinks his foot is going to heal. I won't interfere, but I've got news for the patient: it's not looking good.

I wish my son would just take a leak....